GMovier - 极影客

opa 于 2006-04-05 01:49:18 发表

　　很久以来没有一部喜剧片能让我笑得肚子疼在一些场景过后
　　我不得不暂停电影然后上气不接下气地大笑一通
　　第一遍看的是德语版的已经笑得够呛看完第一遍时英文版的
　　下载完毕于是索性看了第二遍不想笑得更厉害演员们
　　一本正经貌似绅士的英国口音结合公元33年耶路撒冷的场景
　　变本加厉地加剧了喜剧效果...
　　
　　下面是本剧的一些包袱(有剧情透漏)
　　
　　Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah".
　　
　　[Everyone gasps]
　　
　　Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!
　　
　　Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
　　
　　Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?
　　
　　Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!
　　
　　Jewish Official: Was it you?
　　
　　Stoner: Yes.
　　
　　Jewish Official: Right...
　　
　　Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah. "
　　
　　[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]
　　
　　Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah. "
　　
　　[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death]
　　
　　
　　
　　Judith: [on Stan's desire to be a mother] Here! I've got an idea: Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb - which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans' - but that he can have the *right* to have babies.
　　
　　Francis: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother... sister, sorry.
　　
　　Reg: What's the *point*?
　　
　　Francis: What?
　　
　　Reg: What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies, when he can't have babies?
　　
　　Francis: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
　　
　　Reg: It's symbolic of his struggle against reality.
　　
　　
　　
　　Reg: If you want to join the People's Front of Judea, you have to really hate the Romans.
　　
　　Brian: I do!
　　
　　Reg: Oh yeah, how much?
　　
　　Brian: A lot!
　　
　　Reg: Right, you're in.
　　
　　
　　
　　[Brian is writing graffiti on the palace wall. The Centurion catches him in the act]
　　
　　Centurion: What's this, then? "Romanes eunt domus"? People called Romanes, they go, the house?
　　
　　Brian: It says, "Romans go home. "
　　
　　Centurion: No it doesn't ! What's the latin for "Roman"? Come on, come on !
　　
　　Brian: Er, "Romanus" !
　　
　　Centurion: Vocative plural of "Romanus" is?
　　
　　Brian: Er, er, "Romani" !
　　
　　Centurion: [Writes "Romani" over Brian's graffiti] "Eunt"? What is "eunt"? Conjugate the verb, "to go" !
　　
　　Brian: Er, "Ire". Er, "eo", "is", "it", "imus", "itis", "eunt".
　　
　　Centurion: So, "eunt" is...?
　　
　　Brian: Third person plural present indicative, "they go".
　　
　　Centurion: But, "Romans, go home" is an order. So you must use...?
　　
　　[He twists Brian's ear]
　　
　　Brian: Aaagh ! The imperative !
　　
　　Centurion: Which is...?
　　
　　Brian: Aaaagh ! Er, er, "i" !
　　
　　Centurion: How many Romans?
　　
　　Brian: Aaaaagh ! Plural, plural, er, "ite" !
　　
　　Centurion: [Writes "ite"] "Domus"? Nominative? "Go home" is motion towards, isn't it?
　　
　　Brian: Dative !
　　
　　[the Centurion holds a sword to his throat]
　　
　　Brian: Aaagh ! Not the dative, not the dative ! Er, er, accusative, "Domum" !
　　
　　Centurion: But "Domus" takes the locative, which is...?
　　
　　Brian: Er, "Domum" !
　　
　　Centurion: [Writes "Domum"] Understand? Now, write it out a hundred times.
　　
　　Brian: Yes sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar, sir.
　　
　　Centurion: Hail Caesar ! And if it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
　　
　　Attendee: Brought peace?
　　
　　Reg: Oh, peace - shut up!
　　
　　
　　
　　[a line of prisoners files past a jailer]
　　
　　Coordinator: Crucifixion?
　　
　　Mr. Cheeky: Yes.
　　
　　Coordinator: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.
　　
　　
　　
　　Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
　　
　　Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
　　
　　Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
　　
　　Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
　　
　　Brian: Now, fuck off!
　　
　　[silence]
　　
　　Arthur: How shall we fuck off, O Lord?
　　
　　
　　
　　Suicide Squad Leader: We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack!
　　
　　[they all stab themselves]
　　
　　Suicide Squad Leader: That showed 'em, huh?
　　
　　
　　
　　Leper 1: Alms for a leper!
　　
　　Leper 2: Alms for a leper!
　　
　　Ex-Leper: Alms for an ex-leper!
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　Ex-Leper: Okay, sir, my final offer: half a shekel for an old ex-leper?
　　
　　Brian: Did you say "ex-leper"?
　　
　　Ex-Leper: That's right, sir, 16 years behind a veil and proud of it, sir.
　　
　　Brian: Well, what happened?
　　
　　Ex-Leper: Oh, cured, sir.
　　
　　Brian: Cured?
　　
　　Ex-Leper: Yes sir, bloody miracle, sir. Bless you!
　　
　　Brian: Who cured you?
　　
　　Ex-Leper: Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! "You're cured, mate." Bloody do-gooder.
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　Brian: Please, please, please listen! I've got one or two things to say.
　　
　　The Crowd: Tell us! Tell us both of them!
　　
　　Brian: Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, You don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for your selves! You're ALL individuals!
　　
　　The Crowd: Yes! We're all individuals!
　　
　　Brian: You're all different!
　　
　　The Crowd: Yes, we ARE all different!
　　
　　Small lonely voice in crowd: I'm not...
　　
　　The Crowd: Sch~~~!
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　Pontius Pilate: Stwike him, Centuwion. Stwike him vewy wuffly!
　　
　　
　　
　　Centurion: I think it's a joke, sir. Sort of like... uh... Sillius Sodus, or Biggus Dickus.
　　
　　Pontius Pilate: What's so funny about "Biggus Dickus? "
　　
　　Centurion: Its a joke name, sir.
　　
　　Pontius Pilate: I have a vewy good fwiend in Wome named "Biggus Dickus. "
　　
　　[guard laughs]
　　
　　Pontius Pilate: WIGHT! THAT'S IT!
　　
　　
　　
　　Centurion: Where is Brian of Nazareth?
　　
　　Brian: You sanctimonious bastards!
　　
　　Centurion: I have an order for his release!
　　
　　Brian: You stupid bastards!
　　
　　Stan: Uh, I'm Brian of Nazareth.
　　
　　Brian: What?
　　
　　Stan: Yeah, I - I - I'm Brian of Nazareth.
　　
　　Centurion: Take him down!
　　
　　Brian: I'm Brian of Nazareth!
　　
　　Victim #1: Eh, I'm Brian!
　　
　　Mr. Big Nose: I'm Brian!
　　
　　Victim #2: Look, I'm Brian!
　　
　　Brian: I'm Brian!
　　
　　Victims: I'm Brian!
　　
　　Gregory: I'm Brian, and so's my wife!
　　
　　Victims: I'm Brian! I'm Brian!...
　　
　　Brian: I'm Brian of Nazareth!
　　
　　Centurion: All right. Take him away and release him.
　　
　　Stan: No, I'm only joking. I'm not really Brian. No, I'm not Brian. I was only - It was a joke. I'm only pulling your leg! It's a joke! I'm not him! I'm just having you on! Put me back! Bloody Romans! Can't take a joke!
　　
　　
　　
　　Biggus Dickus: Let me come with you, Pontiuth. I may be of thome athithtanthe if there ith a thudden crithith!
　　
　　[I may be of some assistance if there is a sudden crisis]
　　
　　
　　
　　Lead Singer Crucifee: You know, you come from nothing, you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!
　　
　　
　　
　　Lead Singer Crucifee: [singing] Life's a piece of shit when you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke; it's true.
　　
　　
　　
　　Crucifees: [singing] Always look on the bright side of life.